I strongly believe that contact can be challenging and also transformational. I am Yoni Ejo Adoption Coach, adopter and social work manager having worked with carers and children in care for over 30 years.
I know contact can be one of the most challenging, triggering and stressful issues in caring for your children. I know from personal experience. My partner and I as adopters had very limited contact with our girls’ birth family. They did not see them at all and had scant information about them.
Sadly letterbox (indirect letters) contact broke down, between their sibling and our daughters quite early on. we now know this was due to the agency, and regret that lost time. However in person contact has occurred now and I think answered many questions that they had about their own history. This has actually led one of my daughters to stop searching for an intangible something that I realise was in her heart for a lot of her early years.
Contact is important not because of the needs of the birth family, but the questions it answers for our children themselves. the commonalities that they can observe and that they can see better how they fit in the world. That is not to say it isn’t triggering. It is. Hugely so as an adoptive or foster parent.
But we have to do the best we can to help our children learn about themselves while keeping safe. I hope that you find this video helpful.
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